Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My vagina is very pro this idea
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
