I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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