She just used a chaser for red wine.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
