you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize