I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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