Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
