White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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