I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
