What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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