i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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