Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
