Acid is not a monday night drug
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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