oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
