Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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