We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
