When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
