No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
