For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
