Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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