you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
