She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
