it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i came on her dog
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm too high and old for this...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
