Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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