Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
