Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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