I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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