im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
