Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
