mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
