when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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