Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
