what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
