i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
