5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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