I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
