Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
