The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Acid is not a monday night drug
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
