i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
