i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I will be naked everywhere
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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