i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
