Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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