his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
