after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
