So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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