There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This toilet bowl is my home.
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