another moral hangover. fuck.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
