She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
