No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
