Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
