my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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