went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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