Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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