Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
