It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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