You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
