hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
