You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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