cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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