So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't deserve a penis
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
